Comments on: Writing a memoir: 7 tips for defeating your inner critic http://www.alanrinzler.com/blog/2010/01/10/writing-a-memoir-7-tips-for-defeating-your-inner-critic/ A veteran publishing insider's views on how to get published in today's marketplace Fri, 03 Feb 2012 21:53:12 -0700 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.4 By: Jennifer http://www.alanrinzler.com/blog/2010/01/10/writing-a-memoir-7-tips-for-defeating-your-inner-critic/comment-page-1/#comment-11436 Jennifer Tue, 03 May 2011 17:11:42 +0000 http://www.alanrinzler.com/blog/2010/01/10/writing-a-memoir-7-tips-for-defeating-your-inner-critic/#comment-11436 How do you teach your students to manage the living in the present while writing about the burried burdens and fears of the past and self? I find the process revealing and healing, yet exhausting as well. Your thoughts? How do you teach your students to manage the living in the present while writing about the burried burdens and fears of the past and self? I find the process revealing and healing, yet exhausting as well.

Your thoughts?

]]> By: Ronnie http://www.alanrinzler.com/blog/2010/01/10/writing-a-memoir-7-tips-for-defeating-your-inner-critic/comment-page-1/#comment-2510 Ronnie Fri, 12 Mar 2010 19:28:31 +0000 http://www.alanrinzler.com/blog/2010/01/10/writing-a-memoir-7-tips-for-defeating-your-inner-critic/#comment-2510 Hello, great tips on this site.. I am currently working on a memoir of my life that is filled with mostly traumatic/serious events dealing with addiction. I am very critical of my work and have had quite a bit mixed feelings of my book. I have been spending a large amount of money to my editor to assist me, and at times I feel like giving up. I need some inspiration! I knew writing a book was not going to be easy, but this is really taking a toll on me.. I want and need to get my story out to the world, because I know it could help people out there who have struggled with the many addictions that I have struggled with. PLEASE HELP! Thanks, Ronnie Hello, great tips on this site.. I am currently working on a memoir of my life that is filled with mostly traumatic/serious events dealing with addiction. I am very critical of my work and have had quite a bit mixed feelings of my book. I have been spending a large amount of money to my editor to assist me, and at times I feel like giving up. I need some inspiration! I knew writing a book was not going to be easy, but this is really taking a toll on me.. I want and need to get my story out to the world, because I know it could help people out there who have struggled with the many addictions that I have struggled with. PLEASE HELP! Thanks, Ronnie

]]> By: Barbara Falconer Newhall http://www.alanrinzler.com/blog/2010/01/10/writing-a-memoir-7-tips-for-defeating-your-inner-critic/comment-page-1/#comment-2332 Barbara Falconer Newhall Sun, 07 Feb 2010 03:38:42 +0000 http://www.alanrinzler.com/blog/2010/01/10/writing-a-memoir-7-tips-for-defeating-your-inner-critic/#comment-2332 Re: Who am I writing for? It helps me to imagine that I am telling my stories to someone. Usually it's a vague presence, no one specific, but a bunch of women like my comfy old high school or college friends who I imagine are probably going through the same stuff I am. In a way, they are versions of myself. When I write journal or diary stuff, that is, when I write just for me, I tend to get too ... what? ... mushy? whiney? angry? judgmental? Re: Who am I writing for?

It helps me to imagine that I am telling my stories to someone. Usually it’s a vague presence, no one specific, but a bunch of women like my comfy old high school or college friends who I imagine are probably going through the same stuff I am. In a way, they are versions of myself.

When I write journal or diary stuff, that is, when I write just for me, I tend to get too … what? … mushy? whiney? angry? judgmental?

]]> By: Allison Ellis http://www.alanrinzler.com/blog/2010/01/10/writing-a-memoir-7-tips-for-defeating-your-inner-critic/comment-page-1/#comment-2320 Allison Ellis Thu, 04 Feb 2010 22:56:49 +0000 http://www.alanrinzler.com/blog/2010/01/10/writing-a-memoir-7-tips-for-defeating-your-inner-critic/#comment-2320 This has all been such helpful information, thank you. I'm about halfway through writing my memoir "Widow in a Speedo." I've been blogging a lot, writing essays, reading other memoirs and blogs such as this one in order to get a feel for style and tone. My subject is both tragic (the loss of my husband at a young age, we had a newborn daughter) and funny (the quest to find a new husband was full of antics and adventures). Writing down the story was cathartic and very much part of my own healing process yet I'm terrified to share it with the world. So much so that I have not even told my husband (the new one) that I am writing the memoir. So shhhhh. This has all been such helpful information, thank you. I’m about halfway through writing my memoir “Widow in a Speedo.” I’ve been blogging a lot, writing essays, reading other memoirs and blogs such as this one in order to get a feel for style and tone. My subject is both tragic (the loss of my husband at a young age, we had a newborn daughter) and funny (the quest to find a new husband was full of antics and adventures). Writing down the story was cathartic and very much part of my own healing process yet I’m terrified to share it with the world. So much so that I have not even told my husband (the new one) that I am writing the memoir. So shhhhh.

]]> By: Joyce http://www.alanrinzler.com/blog/2010/01/10/writing-a-memoir-7-tips-for-defeating-your-inner-critic/comment-page-1/#comment-2310 Joyce Tue, 02 Feb 2010 16:22:15 +0000 http://www.alanrinzler.com/blog/2010/01/10/writing-a-memoir-7-tips-for-defeating-your-inner-critic/#comment-2310 Thank you for sharing such great information. I was so happy to hear about keeping our writings private. I have been posting some vignettes also, from my book in progress on my blog and while I've gotten some great feedback and encouragement, I've also been dissected and judged. It's taken me awhile to come to terms with the fact that in being true to myself and doing what I feel compelled to do, I need to get a thick skin and stay focused on my truth and my direction. It's comforting to know thought, how difficult this is for all of us and that it is part of the process. Thank you for sharing such great information. I was so happy to hear about keeping our writings private. I have been posting some vignettes also, from my book in progress on my blog and while I’ve gotten some great feedback and encouragement, I’ve also been dissected and judged. It’s taken me awhile to come to terms with the fact that in being true to myself and doing what I feel compelled to do, I need to get a thick skin and stay focused on my truth and my direction. It’s comforting to know thought, how difficult this is for all of us and that it is part of the process.

]]> By: Rebecca http://www.alanrinzler.com/blog/2010/01/10/writing-a-memoir-7-tips-for-defeating-your-inner-critic/comment-page-1/#comment-2268 Rebecca Tue, 26 Jan 2010 20:32:04 +0000 http://www.alanrinzler.com/blog/2010/01/10/writing-a-memoir-7-tips-for-defeating-your-inner-critic/#comment-2268 I've been writing memoir pieces/essays for a few years now, trying to get into words my experiences as a woman of color. I've had great encouragement over the years, but I struggle with inner and outer critics. I understand that there's value in writing for myself, but I don't value myself to think that's enough. I want to share my story, but I don't really know if anyone will find the story valuable. I often feel what I write is very pedestrian and contains issues already covered by other writers/memoirs. So I get very stuck, but I'm slowly retraining myself to look at the writing as valuable for what it does - puts my story in a concrete form and gives me a chance to remember and learn. I appreciate all the insights shared here! Looking forward to reading more. I’ve been writing memoir pieces/essays for a few years now, trying to get into words my experiences as a woman of color. I’ve had great encouragement over the years, but I struggle with inner and outer critics. I understand that there’s value in writing for myself, but I don’t value myself to think that’s enough. I want to share my story, but I don’t really know if anyone will find the story valuable. I often feel what I write is very pedestrian and contains issues already covered by other writers/memoirs. So I get very stuck, but I’m slowly retraining myself to look at the writing as valuable for what it does – puts my story in a concrete form and gives me a chance to remember and learn.

I appreciate all the insights shared here! Looking forward to reading more.

]]> By: martha hart http://www.alanrinzler.com/blog/2010/01/10/writing-a-memoir-7-tips-for-defeating-your-inner-critic/comment-page-1/#comment-2216 martha hart Tue, 19 Jan 2010 15:31:44 +0000 http://www.alanrinzler.com/blog/2010/01/10/writing-a-memoir-7-tips-for-defeating-your-inner-critic/#comment-2216 Terrific post - the 7 tips are keepers. I find that the act of writing - the process itself - helps define the result. It also shapes my experience, or re-shapes it, I guess. There may be people who can plan everything out in advance, then execute it, but definitely not me. My sorta-kinda memoir is the narrative part of a non-fiction work, providing counterpoint to other themes braided throughout. I started out trying for an objective, third-person approach sprinkled with first-person recollections. But it really came alive when I made the whole thing much more personal. Early on, I showed the first 500 words (of 9,000) to a trusted advisor (not a cheerleader) and I workshopped the first half of the essay in a creative-writing group, for great feedback. Ultimately, the decisions are mine. Couldn't agree more with the advice not to show it to friends or family. Mine's simply a memory, not a traumatic work-through, but still... too much advice can prevent you from hearing your own voice. Thanks - great post. Terrific post – the 7 tips are keepers.
I find that the act of writing – the process itself – helps define the result. It also shapes my experience, or re-shapes it, I guess. There may be people who can plan everything out in advance, then execute it, but definitely not me.

My sorta-kinda memoir is the narrative part of a non-fiction work, providing counterpoint to other themes braided throughout. I started out trying for an objective, third-person approach sprinkled with first-person recollections. But it really came alive when I made the whole thing much more personal.

Early on, I showed the first 500 words (of 9,000) to a trusted advisor (not a cheerleader) and I workshopped the first half of the essay in a creative-writing group, for great feedback. Ultimately, the decisions are mine. Couldn’t agree more with the advice not to show it to friends or family. Mine’s simply a memory, not a traumatic work-through, but still… too much advice can prevent you from hearing your own voice.

Thanks – great post.

]]> By: Todd Wassel http://www.alanrinzler.com/blog/2010/01/10/writing-a-memoir-7-tips-for-defeating-your-inner-critic/comment-page-1/#comment-2188 Todd Wassel Fri, 15 Jan 2010 11:43:52 +0000 http://www.alanrinzler.com/blog/2010/01/10/writing-a-memoir-7-tips-for-defeating-your-inner-critic/#comment-2188 Very nice post! Exactly what I needed to read at the moment. I am writing a travel memoir that has a very specific beginning and end. In some ways this has made the structure of my manuscript easier to determine. However, the greater difficulty is deciding how much of my life outside this limited experience, that directly and indirectly shaped my decision to embark on the journey, to include. The first question I had to answer was who I was writing the story for. Of course, for myself is the most obvious answer. However, it wasn't until I decided to write to publish that I could clearly see the structure. I am still facing many difficulties shaping what is most relevant to the wider audience, but I hope this will take care of itself in the critiquing and revision phase. The inner critic resonated well with me as it is difficult to determine if what we write is any good at all, especially when it is your first book attempt. As for the outer critics, I think it is better to let them judge the manuscript once it is done. Don't give them ammunition without having the benefit of the full story, and the lessons it carries with it. Although, in some ways this is easier for me as my journey is not contentious and hardly involves any family members. What may be more shocking is how open I will be with my own fears and failings. Sometimes others worry what others might think of us more than we do ourselves. Keep up the interesting work. Very nice post! Exactly what I needed to read at the moment.

I am writing a travel memoir that has a very specific beginning and end. In some ways this has made the structure of my manuscript easier to determine. However, the greater difficulty is deciding how much of my life outside this limited experience, that directly and indirectly shaped my decision to embark on the journey, to include. The first question I had to answer was who I was writing the story for. Of course, for myself is the most obvious answer. However, it wasn’t until I decided to write to publish that I could clearly see the structure. I am still facing many difficulties shaping what is most relevant to the wider audience, but I hope this will take care of itself in the critiquing and revision phase.

The inner critic resonated well with me as it is difficult to determine if what we write is any good at all, especially when it is your first book attempt. As for the outer critics, I think it is better to let them judge the manuscript once it is done. Don’t give them ammunition without having the benefit of the full story, and the lessons it carries with it. Although, in some ways this is easier for me as my journey is not contentious and hardly involves any family members. What may be more shocking is how open I will be with my own fears and failings. Sometimes others worry what others might think of us more than we do ourselves.

Keep up the interesting work.

]]> By: ts http://www.alanrinzler.com/blog/2010/01/10/writing-a-memoir-7-tips-for-defeating-your-inner-critic/comment-page-1/#comment-2184 ts Fri, 15 Jan 2010 00:39:18 +0000 http://www.alanrinzler.com/blog/2010/01/10/writing-a-memoir-7-tips-for-defeating-your-inner-critic/#comment-2184 I wrote a memoir about a huge transition in my life in the form of a novella. It was easier to fictionalize, because it was about a difficult time in my life, but still my truth and experience inform the story. It is written how I felt it and is very experimental writing, reading more like dream matter. It was a very personal and healing journey to take. It is so close to me, such a raw truth, that I have hesitated to show it to many. I also have to wonder, would it be valuable to someone else, someone outside my story? For its purposes, I see no need to stand up with it. I wrote it for myself. I would need to believe deeply that it held value for others before I thought to try and publish it. I have shared it with only a very few: with one person who knows my story anyway and loved the writing and thought it is quite Pinkola-Estes. A few others have read or listened to several excerpts. Their reactions were that they found the writing beautiful, even rewarding, but also very dense, and easier to listen to where they could drift in the cadences then to read. The listeners got the excerpts more readily. The readers needed to reread the excerpts three times because of the layers and the difficult material. Would they venture through such a thick forest alone? Hard to say. But for me, the writing was very honest and that was necessary for me. It also makes it so very personal––even written as a work of fiction––even frightening to share. I think some of our hardest, most soul searching material is almost unbearable so that it takes great courage to face it in any form. It has since become easier and freer for me just to write fiction. I wrote a memoir about a huge transition in my life in the form of a novella. It was easier to fictionalize, because it was about a difficult time in my life, but still my truth and experience inform the story.
It is written how I felt it and is very experimental writing, reading more like dream matter.
It was a very personal and healing journey to take.
It is so close to me, such a raw truth, that I have hesitated to show it to many.
I also have to wonder, would it be valuable to someone else, someone outside my story?
For its purposes, I see no need to stand up with it. I wrote it for myself.
I would need to believe deeply that it held value for others before I thought to try and publish it.
I have shared it with only a very few: with one person who knows my story anyway and loved the writing and thought it is quite Pinkola-Estes.
A few others have read or listened to several excerpts. Their reactions were that they found the writing beautiful, even rewarding, but also very dense, and easier to listen to where they could drift in the cadences then to read. The listeners got the excerpts more readily. The readers needed to reread the excerpts three times because of the layers and the difficult material. Would they venture through such a thick forest alone? Hard to say.
But for me, the writing was very honest and that was necessary for me. It also makes it so very personal––even written as a work of fiction––even frightening to share. I think some of our hardest, most soul searching material is almost unbearable so that it takes great courage to face it in any form.
It has since become easier and freer for me just to write fiction.

]]> By: Linda Joy Myers http://www.alanrinzler.com/blog/2010/01/10/writing-a-memoir-7-tips-for-defeating-your-inner-critic/comment-page-1/#comment-2185 Linda Joy Myers Thu, 14 Jan 2010 23:44:52 +0000 http://www.alanrinzler.com/blog/2010/01/10/writing-a-memoir-7-tips-for-defeating-your-inner-critic/#comment-2185 Hi Gale, Yes, I think writers of almost any genre go through the same kinds of struggles--with the inner critic, voice, writing skills, and confidence. We need to take good care of the creative spirit within, and try to protect it. When we keep the work private for a while, esp. in this era of share everything on the social media sites, we honor it and help it to have a life of its own. The work takes on its own wisdom and whispers to us, if we are quiet enough to hear it. Keep writing! -Linda Joy Hi Gale,

Yes, I think writers of almost any genre go through the same kinds of struggles–with the inner critic, voice, writing skills, and confidence. We need to take good care of the creative spirit within, and try to protect it.

When we keep the work private for a while, esp. in this era of share everything on the social media sites, we honor it and help it to have a life of its own. The work takes on its own wisdom and whispers to us, if we are quiet enough to hear it.

Keep writing!

-Linda Joy

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