How many times do you have to get punched in the face before you’ll admit that fairies don’t exist? Frustrated New York City lawyer, Patrick Dorsey had lost count of the blackened eyes and the bruised cheeks he’d endured in his unwavering search for the sultry woman who plagued his dreams each night.

I think that’s about my thousandth draft, but I like this one.

Thanks for the great outlet and a very informative site.

How about:

“My name is Trey Atlas. I’m 17 years old. And I never wanted to be a hero.”

I also like Michelle’s,“My name is not Mara Dyer, but my lawyer told me I had to choose something.”

Here’s one of mine:

Peter likes money. He wants an allowance. The subject came up at the breakfast table.

Jon and I debated. Fifty cents a week? 75 cents?

“Let’s not talk in cents,” said Peter, who is 6 1/2, pushing 7. “Let’s talk in dollars.”

Since everyone else is sharing, here’s the opening pitch in my own query letter:

The past will not stay dead at Tremayne Hall.

When Jessa Palmer journeys to rescue her late half-sister’s daughter from a tyrant of a father, she discovers someone—or something—wants to ensure she is no more successful at escaping the castle on the cliffs than her half-sister, Lily, had been.

Launched on her rescue mission by a mysterious letter, Jessa follows in Lily’s footsteps to a grim castle in the wilds of Cornwall and into the arms of its dark master, Captain Dashiell Tremayne. Bitter, brooding, and tragically scarred, he believes Jessa is a carbon copy of her manipulative, unfaithful half-sister; he’s not about to let another treacherous woman into his home—or into his heart.

When the accidents begin, the danger intensifies, as does the heat between Jessa and Dash; soon, she’ll have to make a choice—follow Lily to a fiery death, or surrender to a man she cannot trust.

I used my tagline (it hooked me, after all, into spending months on a first draft) both as a guide for writing the book and as the opening line of my query letter for my debut YA novel (sold to HarperTeen for 2011 release):

“All in one day, 16-year-old Jana Webster lost her boyfriend, started a new school, and died. Not necessarily in that order.”

In my experience, some agents and editors advise against dialogue as the opening line of a novel. Although I tend to agree, there are exceptions. This is a favorite of mine from Katherine Dunn’s GEEK LOVE (also a fantastic title).

“When your mamma was the geek, my dreamlets,” Papa would say, “she made the nipping off of noggins such a crystal mystery that the hens themselves yearned toward her, waltzing around her, hypnotized with longing.”

From Oliver: The typical Swede, a middelage man coming home from a normal, boring officjobb. At home his old Golden retriver greets him wellcome. Across the stereet lives an 62 years old lady with three cats. On the gras in his neghbours garden two cildren plays with their fluffy rabits. Is it good to always live in the same traks? NO! I say; free import of exotik animals!

He made it up in less then 5 min =D

And sorry for the bad english

I’m looking forward to learning from your blog. Thank you for sharing your experience and expertise so generously.

I’ve written 7 books, the last published by Wiley. Each has been increasingly painful to write.
There are still a few in me and you provided some great tips that will energize my production and help me produce quality books without sacrificing such a large slice of my life. Your passion and wisdom and wit were much appreciated.

One of my favorite hooks comes form Shirley Jackson “We Have Always Lived in the Castle”.
“My name is Mary Katherine Blackwood. I am eighteen years old, and I live with my sister Constance. I have often thought that with any luck at all I could have been born a werewolf…”

So I bet you think you’re going to read about another poor sap that has nothing going for him. You probably think I’m just another nobody turned hero with a story to tell. Think about it, so many stories these days are about kids with the worst luck in the world. They are orphaned, have only a few friends, the subject of ridicule by the popular crowd, and they can’t manage to please anyone. Then all of a sudden, they magically find themselves thrust into a huge dilemma of epic proportions.
Those pathetic kids manage to find a hidden power, or powers, deep down in themselves and use it to save the day. Suddenly they are heroes and their lives are never the same. In fact, they probably go on numerous other quests to save the world from disaster. Come on, you know the story, it’s everywhere. Aren’t you sick of that?
Well, I’m going to tell you flat out, that’s not me. I’m Trey Atlas and I’m the complete opposite of those poor saps turned heroes. I can hear Dad in my mind “Trey, you have to be able to sell yourself in one sentence”. So here goes nothing. I’m Trey Atlas, I have model looks, a wealthy family, and a great personality. I’m a straight ‘A’ student and a champion swimmer about to go to nationals and become the best swimmer in the United States.
Alright, so it took me two sentences to sell myself but it’s hard to do. You try selling yourself in one sentence. Anyway, that’s all besides the point. Hopefully, based on what I just told you, you can believe me when I say that I had everything going for me. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, it all changed. But before I start whining, which I can’t stand, let me start at the beginning.
This is the story of how my awesome life changed into a nightmare and how I got wrapped up in a fight to save a world that shouldn’t have existed and forced to become a hero I didn’t want to be.

I couldn’t agree more. The hook–whether a captivating story, an emotional grabber or a couple opening sentences that you just can’t get out of your head–often determines my outcome. Do I keep reading or shout, “Next,” as a pull another book off the shelf.

My business partner/co-author, Matilda Butler, and I write about and talk with women memoir writers. Matilda often discusses the hook (what we call “the opener”) with the authors and she blogs about this both on our site (http://womensmemoirs.com/category/memoir-writing-interviews/ ) and on Story Circle Network’s blog “Telling HerStories” (http://storycircle.typepad.com/scn/opening-salvos/ ).

We recently talked with Jin Lee about her memoir To Kill a Tiger: A Memoir of Korea. She starts off with the marvelous tale of her great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother’s plight…to be eaten by a tiger. It’s a good opener.

Thanks for a terrific blog. I recently “discovered” you, when I clicked through one of Rachelle’s tweets.

Talk about a hook. I can’t wait for Shelley Carson’s book about amping up your creativity! I hope it’s beyond the proposal stage and soon to be published.

Here’s the opening line(s) of a story I’m working on:

“This shouldn’t hurt. Well, maybe just a little.”

Welcome to The Book Deal and thanks for the tweets! Much appreciated!

We frequently point readers to your own blog about your work as an agent. It’s smart and funny, and packed with much needed information and guidance for writers seeking representation.

At the moment, we’re linking to your post “Wake up and smell the coffee: You need to write a better book.” I loved the line where you told someone they didn’t need your advice but a “whack on the side of the head.”

Who doesn’t need a dose of reality now and then?